36 - Step Out
Last month we talked about standing up for yourself and the importance of knowing how to do that. This month, we’ll continue the self-care trend, and discuss ways not only to protect your rights and your autonomy, but also how - alongside your faith - you can use a weird trick to better look out for yourself.
Few know this, but sometimes the Paraclete speaks to us through others. This can go even as far as the Paraclete speaking to us through ourselves. Let’s think back to the story of King Solomon - the guy with the baby splitting judgment, that’s right. The stories say that he was very wise and people from around the land came to him to get his help. Largely portrayed as a teacher of wisdom, nobody seemed to bother pointing out the fact that as king, he would have been the ultimate arbiter for various disputes - wisdom or no wisdom. The ancient texts also seem to indicate that he allegedly had 700 wives and 300 concubines. Surely some of these are just folks hyping up the legend, but even if a fraction of this is true: does this sound like the actions of a wise man?
Now before anyone jumps to his defense, this is far from a hit piece. I am here to remind you of the Fourth Keystone - Endeavor to learn new things and be educated by others. Here we have a wise man, who many people came to for advice, who in turn could not keep his own house in order. Might this sound familiar? Do you maybe know of someone who you feel is even keeled and gives good advice to others, but their own life is a bit messy? It seems that this is a part of who we are as humans, it is baked into our nature to treat ourselves differently than we might treat others - it even has a name: Solomon’s Paradox. This is where the trick comes in.
By adhering to your faith and following the Fourth Keystone, you can see there is a lesson to be learned here: help yourself by considering your own problems as if you were talking to someone else. Think about issues in the second or third person. Just Elmo might, you need to phrase things a bit differently when thinking about your own issues - make the issues about someone else (who happens to share your name). This grants emotional distance and instantly boosting your self-regulation, control and even wisdom. You are better able to problem solve and deal with negative issues and reactions. The key is not to ignore all emotion, forever - merely to give you a bit of perspective that you will need to provide better advice. We are all fallible (remember the Second Keystone), and tend to treat ourselves differently than we might others - sometimes for the worse. The key here is to break down that barrier, even temporarily, and objectively give yourself the best chance to succeed.
If this sounds even a bit familiar, its because you’ve likely seen or even done it already. Think of the pep-talk you can give yourself - just a quick “you can do this” before a big moment, “What does Maria want?“ when considering options, or “Get a hold of yourself, John” at a moment that calls for regrouping.
This sort of trick is one method that you can use to overcome your default programming, give yourself the inside track to being better, and reaping the benefits of the great advice you’re used to giving others!
